Have you ever had one of those thoughts that lead to another thought which then leads to another thought and so on and so forth? And then somehow it all comes together in a full circle and suddenly you have an epiphany or revelation, or whatever you like to call it.
Every night when I go to bed I listen to my iPod and I’m forced to stare at the pictures on my wall from my position. If it had been any other year or any other place I would have probably welcomed the view/thought of my friends because its usually comforting. But last night was .. tragic? I felt like taking those pictures down. I realized I don’t even talk to 50% of those people. My eyes started to dart from face to face and within seconds it became 100% of the people. Things that once were #1 in my life are suddenly unbearable to think about. Why is that? What in the fuck happened? That’s a legitimate question. I don’t know.. but its either know the answer and refuse to acknowledge it or its fucking beyond me as to what happened.
Just as my eyes began to water at the thought of .. well basically everything that felt wrong at the time, I felt this prick on my arm. And it HURT. I was like what in God’s name … bit me? I looked at my arm and underneath the blanket just to make sure it wasn’t bug or anything. Turns out it was nothing.
I kept inspecting my forearm and stopped and stared at the area between my wrist and my elbow. I’ve been thinking about this tattoo I’ve been wanting to get. I’ve seen it done before on the same exact spot. I wasn’t sure if it was worth it cause a tattoo is a tattoo and what not. ‘All is full of love’ is what it would say. A Björk song. Coincidentally the song was playing on my iPod. Hauntingly beautiful as always, the echoing ‘all is full of love’ lyric drilling in my head kept reiterated why I want it tattooed on my arm in the first place.
There will always be a time in my life when I need to be reminded that there will always be love present to a certain extent. Whether its from friends or family or anyone else, I can’t deny that it still exist or was never there in the first place. “It’s up to you what you give, but it’s not up to you what you are given and where from.”
“If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience.”—John Cage